The Unsisterly Sisters

There is a true story told of two unmarried sisters, who lived together, but because of an unresolved disagreement over an insignificant issue, refused to speak to each other—one of the inescapable results of refusing to forgive.

Since they were either unable or unwilling to move out of their small house, they continued to use the same rooms, eat at the same table, use the same appliances, and sleep in the same room—all separately, without one word. A chalk line divided the sleeping area into two halves, separating doorways as well as the fireplace. Each would come and go, cook and eat, sew and read without ever talking to the other.

Through the black of the night, each could hear the deep breathing of the other, but because both were unwilling to take the first step toward forgiving the silly offense, they coexisted for years in grinding silence (Great Church Fights by Leslie B. Flynn).

Lines of Resentment

It would be rare to find such a situation today with two people living in the same house and a line drawn down the middle. But it would not be rare to find this situation between two people who live in separate houses or even separate parts of the world. Imaginary lines can be just as powerful as lines drawn with chalk. Resentment and anger can lead to a complete separation of two people for very many years, often till the death of one of them. If you are caught in the web of resentment, you know firsthand how it can entangle and strangle you.

The older brother in today's dramatic story was unable to rejoice with his father. His resentment made him unable to feel any happiness when his younger brother returned to the family. He was frozen in his attitude, both towards his brother and his father. He had become a slave of his own self-created bitterness.

Self or Other?

How is it that the father and the older brother both had very different reactions? One simple, but radically different, thing about their attitudes can be found in this important difference. The older brother thought only about himself, while the father thought only about his son. The older brother became resentful because he judged that the father had not been fair to him.

The inner life of the older brother seemed to be controlled by his own small view of the world. In his view, he was at the center and everything had to revolve around him. He had made himself powerless to enter into the world of another person. So instead of rejoicing with his younger brother, he could only judge him. Being trapped by his own narrowness, he became the victim of resentment.

The father, on the other hand, was able to see beyond his own narrow self-concerns. He was filled with joy when he saw his younger son coming home, because he had the ability to enter into the feelings of his once-lost son. His compassion made it possible for the father to sense what was going on in his younger son. And so the father declared: "...we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found."

On Our Side

Both the father and the older brother were confronted with the same situation, and both reacted in completely different ways. If I asked you who of the two you would like to have on your side, the answer would be quite obvious. We all yearn for someone who can enter into our world and feel something of what is going on there. We fear the person whose vision of life is so narrow that everything is only seen through a cramped and constricted vision.

The obvious, but rather frightening and complicated, question is: how wide is my vision? Am I able to rejoice and be supportive with people when significant things happen in their lives? If someone injures me, are they in my bad books forever? Is my world so narrow that I don't want to hear what is really happening to other people if it doesn't affect me? Are there whole groups of people whom I automatically exclude from my mind and heart? Am I resentful whenever I hear about something good happening to another person? Is jealousy my first reaction? Just being aware of any tendency towards resentment can be a valuable first step in widening my own person vision of life.

Always Waiting

But let's not forget that in God's eyes, we are all the younger son. God, our loving Creator, is always waiting for our return with open and welcoming arms. Today's story is the strongest possible reminder that we are all loved by God, no matter in what emotional or spiritual shape we may find ourselves. If we have moved off the path of right and honest living, there is no need to fear. If we have even the smallest desire to change, that is enough.

We don't have to wait for any remarkable thing to happen inside of ourselves. Wanting to come home to God and to God's people is enough. In his book, The Life of the Beloved, Henri Nouwen wrote these words: "The truth, even though I cannot feel it right now, is that I am the chosen child of God, precious in God's eyes, called the Beloved from all eternity and held safe in an everlasting embrace...We must dare to opt consciously for our choosiness and not allow our emotions, feelings, or passions to seduce us into self-rejection."

May we allow God to love and embrace us as only God can.