Do I Really Love?

There is a great appeal to today's second reading. Many people almost know this passage by heart because they have heard it so often. In fact, even those who do not follow Christianity find great consolation and truth in this passage from Corinthians about the nature of love.

There is something very obvious in today's reading, but perhaps something we don't think about too often. The final proof that we love cannot come from outside of ourselves. Even if our external actions seem to prove that we love, it might be the case that we are not really very loving at all. But don't we all believe that actions speak louder than words? How could it possibly be that a person could give away all of their possessions and even their own body and yet not be loving? Yet, St. Paul says that this is possible. I don't know about you, but I find this quite disturbing. How am I to know if I really love? How can I judge if I am carrying out Jesus' command to love God and neighbor?

The Underlying Motivation

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure if I have a complete answer to that question. What seems to be in doubt here is the motivation behind our deeds. St. Paul says that, "If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." Paul seems to be telling us that what moves us to act is even more important than the act itself. If we do great and good things for people, and yet do it for the wrong reasons, then it won't do us any good.

Actually, this should be a great consolation to those who find themselves handicapped by physical or mental problems, or who are simply too old to do much for others. If love were only shown by what we could do for others, so many people would have to be judged as unloving. Those who are sick or confined to their homes because of some serious disability would have to be considered as second class Christians since they are not able to do the things that healthy men and women can do. This is a trap that many of us fall into. We judge a person only by what they are able to do.

Why Do We Do What We Do?

And so back to our question: How can a person know if he or she really loves as God would want them to love? One approach to answering this question would be to look at the reasons why we do certain things. The scriptures are warning us that we must eliminate any motivation that would cast a shadow over our acts of love. We have to purify our intentions. In other words, the inside and the outside must be in harmony with each other. What we do must flow from a heart that cares for others.

One definition of love says that it is wanting good for others. It is a desire that others receive what they need. And then it is the carrying out of those desires when possible and to the extent possible. If someone wants what is good for you, but is not able to give that to you, it doesn't make that person any less loving does it? This is very consoling. In this way, everyone can love, no matter how limited they might be.

Love-Filled Hearts

And so the foundation of love is to be found in our hearts. If we have hearts filled with the love that comes from God, then we will be love. St. Therese of Lisieux said that in the body of Christ she wanted to be the heart. She wanted to be love. Now St. Therese was a cloistered nun. She basically lived inside a convent and did not go out into society to engage in works of charity. Yet her prayer was to be love in the body of Christ. Apparently, she knew very deeply the real meaning of love. She knew that a person could love in the smallest of circumstances. A person does not need to have a long list of accomplishments in order to love as God would have us love.

I hope you noticed that St. Paul calls love the greatest of the gifts. Love is a gift. It is not something that we create on our own. This idea seems to complicate things a little. If love is a gift, does this mean that I can't just decide to be a loving person and then go about doing good? Do I need to have something called the gift of love before I can truly love? Well, believe it or not, that does seem to be the case. On our own, we cannot do anything that is truly and deeply loving. It is only by the gift or the grace of God that we can go out in love to others. In John's Gospel we clearly hear these words, "Without me, you can do nothing."

The Foundation of Love

It is at this point that we have to go to the very foundation of love. And that foundation is prayer. This is so because love is a gift from God. And it seems that God is very free when it comes to giving this gift, but there is a catch. God will not give this gift to anyone who does not want it. God is not like the person who brings you a little puppy for Christmas whether you wanted one or not. No, God is a very considerate gift giver. God waits for us to ask for the gift. And it is in prayer that we ask God to make our hearts into hearts filled with love.

And so the simple answer to the question, “How do I become a loving person?” is summed up in one word: pray. When you pray, you open yourself up to having God completely fill your heart with love. I'm not talking about prayer where we are constantly busy asking God for many favors, but prayer in which we sit quietly at God's feet and allow God to pour the divine love into our hearts. This kind of prayer allows God to change our minds and hearts. Love is the greatest of the gifts. May we allow the Lord to pour this gift into our hearts so that we might bring it to our brothers and sisters.