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The Sunday Funnies, Apr. 28 & 29, 2012 |
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The Sunday Funnies
A Prayer Upon Waking
Dear God:
So far today, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, and I haven't lost my temper. I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I'm really glad of that! But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot of help.
Thank you!
Amen.
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The Sunday Funnies, Mar. 3 & 4, 2012 |
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The Sunday Funnies
After the fall, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. As they were passing the locked gates of the Garden of Eden, one of the boys asked, "What's this?"
Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and home."
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The Sunday Funnies, Jan. 28 & 29, 2011 |
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The Sunday Funnies
A poor man walking in the forest feels close enough to God to ask, "God, what is a million years to you?"
God replies, "My son, a million years to you is like a second to me."
The man asks, "God, what is a million dollars to you?"
God replies, "My son, a million dollars to you is less than a penny to me. It means almost nothing to me."
The man asks, "So God, can I have a million dollars?"
And God replies, "In a second." |
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The Sunday Funnies, Dec. 24 & 25, 2011 |
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The Sunday Funnies
It was a few days before Christmas. The airport was a sea of red and green, with loudspeakers playing familiar Christmas carols. A businessman, tired and somewhat grumpy, was ready to go back home. While checking in his luggage, right above the counter, he noticed some cheap plastic mistletoe hanging overhead.
With a considerable degree of irritation, he said to the attendant, "Even if we were married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe."
"Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is."
"Oh, I see that it's above the luggage scale, which is the place you'd have to step forward for a kiss."
"That's not why it's there."
"Okay, I give up. Why is it there?"
"It's there so you can kiss your luggage good-bye."
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The Sunday Funnies, Dec. 3 & 4, 2011 |
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The Sunday Funnies
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "I would like a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says 'nothing's wrong,' and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?" |
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Sunday Funnies