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The Sunday Funnies, July 17 & 18, 2010 |
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There was a burglar who broke into a home and started to gather the items he wanted to take. All of a sudden he heard, "Jesus is watching you!" He didn't see anything in the dark house, so he went on with what he was doing.
He heard, "Jesus is watching you!" again and then he really wondered who was saying that. He turned on the flashlight, scanned the room, and finally saw a parrot.
"Did you say that?" asked the burglar.
"Yes," replied the parrot.
"By the way, what's your name?" the burglar inquired."Moses," answered the parrot.
"That's a strange name for a parrot. Who named you that?"
"The same people who named their Rottweiler Jesus!" |
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The Sunday Funnies, July 10 & 11, 2010 |
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The Sunday Funnies
A young couple, madly in love, decided to get married. But as the wedding day neared, both grew increasingly nervous over secret problems they had never shared with anyone. Privately, the groom-to-be approached his pastor.
“I’m really concerned about this marriage,” the young man said.
“Don’t you love her?” the priest asked in surprise.
“Of course,” the groom said. “But I have unbelievably smelly feet—and I’m afraid my fiancée won’t be able to stand them.”
“Oh, is that all?” the pastor replied. “Look, all you need to do is wash your feet twice a day and wear socks all the time.”
The groom thought it over and decided it just might work.
Meanwhile, the nervous bride had also privately approached the pastor. “I’m so worried,” she sobbed. “I have really bad breath when I wake up each day!”
“Well, I have an idea,” the priest said soothingly. “Set your alarm just a few minutes before your husband wakes up. Run to the bathroom, brush your teeth, and gargle with mouthwash before he gets out of bed. The key is not to say anything until you’ve taken care of your breath.”
The bride thought it over and decided it just might work.
In time, a beautiful wedding was held and the bride and groom enjoyed the day without once worrying about their secret problems. For several months they managed to keep their issues to themselves.
They one morning, the husband awoke before dawn to find that one of his socks had come off in the night. Frantic, he searched the bed, afraid of what might happen if he didn’t find his sock soon. His bride woke with a start, and, without thinking, blurted out, “What in the world are you doing?”
“Oh, dear!” the young man wailed. “You swallowed my sock!” |
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The Sunday Funnies, May 15 & 16, 2010 |
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Pat went into St. Mary’s hospital for major surgery. In the recovery room, the nurse came in and said, “So Pat, how will you be paying for your surgery?”
“Sure and I don’t know,” said Pat.
“Do you have any insurance?” the nurse asked.
“No,” said Pat.
“Do you have any money?” she asked.
“Not a penny,” said Pat.
“Do you have any relatives who might be able to pay for this surgery?”
Only my spinster sister in New Mexico; she’s a nun.”
“Nuns aren’t spinsters Pat, they’re married to God,” the nurse said.
“Fine,” replied Pat, “then sure and you’ll be sending the bill to my brother-in-law.” |
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Sunday Funnies, Apr 24 & 25, 2010 |
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The Sunday Funnies
A wandering monk walked barefoot everywhere he went, to the point that the soles of his feet eventually became quite thick and leathery. And because he ate very little, he gradually became very frail. Several days often passed between opportunities to brush his teeth, so he usually had bad breath. Therefore, throughout the region, he came to be known as the super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis. |
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Sunday Funnies, Jan 30 & 31, 2010 |
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Three friends decided to go hunting together. One was a lawyer, one a doctor, and the other a preacher. As they were walking, along came a big buck. The three of them shot at the same time and the buck dropped immediately. The hunting party rushed to see how big it actually was. Upon reaching the fallen deer, they found out that it was dead but had only one bullet hole.
A debate followed concerning whose buck it was. When a game warden came by, he offered to help. A few moments later, he had the answer.
He said with much confidence, "The pastor shot the buck!" The friends were amazed that he could determine that so quickly and with so little examination. The game warden just smiled. "It was easy to figure out. The bullet went in one ear and out the other." |
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